Traditionally, it is believed that a mother-in-law is the right person to take care of her grandchildren. The mother-in-law helps her daughter-in-law to take care of the children, and in the future, when the mother-in-law is old, the daughter-in-law will also give the old age. In a family, it's all about helping each other, and that's the kind of thing that everyone understands.
But, as a woman just over half a hundred years old, just to the retirement age, the child has also become a family, the work of half a lifetime, it is difficult to have their own life, but never thought, baby grandchildren were born, one side of the idea of wanting to live for themselves, the other side of the double pressure of work and life of the son and daughter-in-law, they are really difficult to make a choice.
There are many women who choose to stay at home after retirement to help their daughters-in-law with their children, and they are busy without a free time. They are genuinely willing to help their daughters-in-law with their children? The answer is actually not necessarily.
"I am genuinely willing to help my daughter-in-law as a child, after all, that is my own grandchildren."
Auntie Jia's partner died early, and for many years she lived with her son and daughter-in-law. So after her grandson was born, the task of bringing up the child naturally fell on her, about which she had no complaints and did her best to help her son and daughter-in-law relieve the pressure. Although her and her daughter-in-law's philosophies and approaches to parenting are very different and sometimes contradictory, after all, blood is thicker than love, and she is still extraordinarily devoted to her grandson.
Auntie Jia said: "My son and daughter-in-law are busy at work, and they often have to stay up late to work overtime. Now this society is not like before, the pressure of competition is too great, a little inattention will be compared to others. As a wife, in addition to helping them cook and supplement their nutrition, it is also left to take care of their grandchildren. Sometimes, I envy the elderly in my neighborhood who go on trips and participate in various community activities every day, but compared to them, I still prefer to take care of my grandchildren, after all, I am able to help my son and them. Every day around this little bitty circle, tired is tired, but watching him grow up day by day, feel also quite happy."
"I was compelled to help out for my son's sake, and the biggest headache was not getting along with my daughter-in-law."
Aunt Zhou and her partner have always worked and lived in the county, and her son stayed in the provincial capital after graduating from college, and later, took out a loan to buy a house, get married, and have a baby in the provincial capital. In the beginning, Auntie Zhou was reluctant to separate from her husband to help bring up her granddaughter. For this reason, the son and daughter-in-law even had a fight, the daughter-in-law felt that her mother-in-law's health, she should help bring up the child. The son is naturally for the sake of his parents, let his wife usually send the child to her parents, the two people after work to pick up back. Unexpectedly, the daughter-in-law also disagreed, so the two quarreled and even almost divorced.
Auntie Zhou was forced to cross to the provincial capital to bring her granddaughter alone. She said: "It's too expensive to hire a nanny now, and I don't feel comfortable leaving my child with them. Honestly, if there is another choice, I am not willing to leave the place where I have lived for most of my life and come to this unfamiliar place to bring up the child. Moreover, my daughter-in-law often accuses me of doing this and that, and I feel very uncomfortable in my heart. If it wasn't for my son, I wouldn't have come to this place to suffer. When I am at home, I go square dancing and play tai chi every day, and I go for a walk with my husband in the evening. Although, I really feel that I have no obligation to help them bring up their children, I can only bear to be here and bring up my granddaughter when I see my son in such a difficult situation. There's no such thing as willing or unwilling, it's all just a choice on balance."
"I'm mainly worried that if we don't help them now, they won't care about us later. So help if you can."
Aunt Li and her husband are farming in their rural home, and their son and daughter-in-law are doing small business in the county, and after their grandson was born, under the daughter-in-law's undeniable arrangement, Aunt Li went up to take care of her daughter-in-law for the first time to do her menstruation, and after the menstruation was over, she stayed there to help hearten her household chores and take care of her grandson. Auntie Li's husband had time to bring some produce over to see the grandchildren, and in the meantime nagged her parents. This kind of life is more than three years, now the grandson is in kindergarten, Auntie Li was thinking of going home, but her daughter-in-law is pregnant with a second child.
Aunt Li said: "My daughter-in-law is a very strong woman, the family is her decision, my son at home basically can not speak, if I do not help her with the child, she will certainly be with my son to make a big fuss, and later, when we are old, will not be able to care about us, so even if my son's family suffered a great deal of aggravation, I have to put up with it, and can not give my son more trouble. So, even if I suffer a lot at my son's home, I have to bear it and not cause any trouble to him. In fact, I am getting older day by day, a lot of things have become beyond my ability, I just hope that when I am alive, the family can happily take care of each other and live a good life."
"It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, I just want to do it from the heart."
When Auntie Cheng retired at the age of 50, her son was not yet married, and she had two years of relaxing and easy-going life, often going on trips to the mountains with her old sisters. The son married a year after the child, Auntie Cheng took the initiative to help them with the child, the daughter-in-law naturally particularly happy, feel that they met a good mother-in-law, she is also very filial to her, although there are conflicts, but in the Auntie Cheng's son's reconciliation, the day is quite harmonious.
Auntie Cheng said: "I help my daughter-in-law with the child, but I can't say what is true or not, but it's just a matter of putting your heart into it. A woman who has to work and take care of a child is certainly difficult to split up, and will increase the conflict between the couple, which is not good for adults and children. Besides, my daughter-in-law is so young that I can't let her quit her job to take care of the kids, so it's better for me to work hard for a few years and help them out. When my grandchildren are older and my partner is retired, then we will go out to travel and see the world. I'm not too old now, so I'll help as much as I can while I still have the energy. In fact, my daughter-in-law is also a person who understands the situation, to me is also filial piety, there are some small conflicts turn a blind eye on the past, there is no need to be too serious. Bringing up children is not a labor of love, but it's not a sacrifice for me either. Therefore, I am still willing to help my daughter-in-law to bring up the children, so that the family can live a happy life."
Four aunts, each with their own point of view, and can not say who is right and who is wrong, after all, this is already a controversial topic. In fact, there is nothing to take for granted, "mother-in-law help not to help with the child" decision in the hands of the mother-in-law, to help or not to help are not wrong, to help is the love, not to help is also this, who do not have to morally kidnap who. Whether it is a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law, as long as you know how to put yourself in the shoes of the heart, I believe that all the grievances can be in the healthy growth of the child's smile melted.